The Ghosts of Christmas Déjà Vu
After Chuck Quackenbush got beat up in California for, allegedly (according to to a report on the California Assembly website)…
From the Northridge rubble Mr. Quackenbush and his top deputies created an exploitive enforcement structure. The evidence demonstrates they:
- Subverted the regulatory process;
- Wielded the power of the state to bolster Commissioner Quackenbush’s political prospects and financially benefit his political associates and friends;
- Failed to provide adequate redress for some earthquake victims;
- Short-circuited procedures, evaded legislative oversight and exceeded enforcement authority;
- Misspent money extracted from insurers and diverted from state coffers;
- And, when the practices came to light, engaged in a cover-up in an effort to mislead the public and avoid responsibility for their action
and allegedly mishandling campaign funds by getting caught.
…well, after all that, Chuck Quackenbush had a period of spiritual renewal where he “found” himself surrounded by other men of common interests.
No longer content to enact free market reforms in the state insurance racket, and tired of helping to analyze foreign countries for military intelligence, Quackenbush took up manly pursuits in the pristine waters of the Pacific Ocean. Here he connected to his essential nature, eventually realizing he was meant to be a Lee County Sheriff’s Deputy.
But, back in Hawai’i, Quackenbush professed he was never going near politics again, although he is now Vice Chair of the Lee County Republican Executive Committee.
“All of this is as it should be,” said Deepak Chopra, speaking with undulations of the tongue that served as a saliva-covered microcosm of all being. “Quackenbush no doubt did, indeed, find his true self, and then that true self, which is the font of all isness, projected itself through time and space and its many compartments into the operations of the taser and the gun with which the Deputy Sheriff, as it is termed in the modern vernacular, is empowered whereby to effect the vast cosmic destiny of democracy.”
“That’s all well and good,” said Lou Saboter. “But I’m pretty damn sure that Quackenbush is Illuminati. No doubt he was forced to kiss the base of the spine of many men and have his own kissed in order to activate kundalini before achieving the 33rd level of Free Masonhood. I am absolutely certain that he, and his fellow Illuminati on the FGCU Board of Trustees, are all meeting secretly at the Tarpon Lodge and planning the demise of Florida panthers as we speak via the machinations of fracking, which manifest themselves through time and space with 750 chemicals, most of which are trade secrets. Ray Rodrigues is no doubt a pawn who will be sacrificed to their Goat God in due time.”
(The Ghosts of Christmas Déjà Vu is very silly satire that helps get you all sharpened up for a little bit of the old in-out in-out.)
“If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.” — Mark Twain
It’s easy to get cynical about the public when you’re the one misinforming them. All you have to do is interview and find out just how confused they are when they feed you back the lies you’ve been telling them. Then, you can pat yourself on your back for your public service, brag about all the wonderful societal conveniences you enjoy at your master’s behest, and rationalize away the strange dismay of the masses who utter such false truisms as “you can’t believe everything you read.”
The effect seems to be amplified near magazine stands, such as exist all over Fort Myers. Little did I suspect, until recently, that I was among the only one who could see them thanks to my special blogger glasses.
Apparently, the “good” aliens, the Children of the Light as they like to be called, have set up information stands in several undisclosed locations that are emitting subliminal signals of “disbelieve” and “question authority” and “wake up.” The effect of this is that television seems oddly different all the sudden. I mean, what ever happened to all the mindless good looking talking heads and the 5 second sound bites? Now, it’s all thoughtful commentary, probing analysis and pushy questions by people who seem to have lost face, probably as a result of being losers.
Problematically, if you read a few of these “invisible” magazines, you may realize that the people running the show are so insanely corrupt and irresponsible (dare I say “criminal?”) that you may lose all motivation to stop chasing green pieces of paper around just like the veritable cat chasing a laser pointer.
Hey, people got to just obey orde–I mean, live, right?
(Finding yourself questioning authority? Clearly, you are ignoring the subtext. You can believe everything you read between the lines. And then, there’s even more belief after that for those of the true wool.)
Suppose aliens invade the earth and threaten to obliterate it in a year’s time unless human beings can find the Ramsey number for red five and blue five. We could marshal the world’s best minds and fastest computers, and within a year we could probably calculate the value. If the aliens demanded the Ramsey number for red six and blue six, however, we would have no choice but to launch a preemptive attack. — Paul Erdos
Despite many seeming indications to the contrary, Robert Levy has been deemed human after a series of scientifically valid tests performed by own specially anonymous henchmen.
Questions arose after Rachel Maddow pointed out that the Foundation of Government Accountability is affiliated with the Koch Brothers. After this, world renowned Politifact (mostly renowned for being another feature of the hideously big business manipulated American press) failed to notice that Robert Levy is listed as part of the leadership of the Foundation of Government Accountability.
Immediately, accusations arose from the fringe, conspiracy theory riddled independent press that this was due to the fact that most of the population has failed to get their subtext sunglasses yet. In other words, Robert Levy was invisible to Politifact.
In Politifact’s defense, Rachel Maddow also failed to see the rep-Robert Levy.
However, she did notice the vast dark energy web surrounding him which has taken the manifest form of this network shown below (look hard, damn you!).
How do we know that Robert Levy isn’t a reptoid? Because that’s just dumb, that’s why. Also, the Koch brother conspiracy theory is a silly web of gestalts that exists only in the minds of liberals. In the real world, the Lord Jesus has blessed Citizen’s United, and the influx of foreign money that will henceforth determine our elections until we are a third world country overrun with zombies.
And another thing: why do conspiracy theorists worry about aluminum in chemtrails when they’re so willing to wrap it around their heads?
Also, how about the conspiracy theorists I know who are obsessed with flouride and are constantly smoking pot and drinking. I’m pretty sure that isn’t so great for your brains either my little homo sapiens friends.
Anyway, everyone relax. Things are going according to plan. This is no time to introduce a little anarchy, because everyone might go losing their minds.
The same remains the song, and it won’t for very long.
You don’t just go throwing out koans on the top of an inverted pyramid. Don’t you know the eye of Horus is on top of that pyramid and if you turn it upside you could give Horus glaucoma and then we’ll have to get him on the weed?
Do you have idea how different the Bible and Koran would have been if we’d be inverting pyramids and getting myth makers stoned this whole time? Well, not much.
Here we are, in a double-digit century, playing games with stating obvious lies thinking we can thereby confuse a large enough swath of the public into giving up the debate over Obamacare. You can’t fight erstwhile commies when all the poor, unemployed people have medicaid. Now, you’ve basically ensured that the volunteers are all going to be Southerners. This is very, very good. More prone to Jesus, racist, and nationalism. Get those men out of drone training school and get them testing out mine fields pronto.
This is actually all coming together perfectly for the liberals, far as I can tell. Remember that swinging sword in the Song Remains the Same? That is so relevant here. Yes, aren’t the watchful, skeptical ones swinging a sword, brandishing their heightened consciousness, while admitting their impotence in the face of this World Bank run evil that has turned the United States into its weapons depot? They could at least drop us a few crumbs like guaranteed drinking water or put a parental control switch on all those NSA monitors. I mean, I’m pretty paranoid and I didn’t think to cover the web cam on my computer until a couple of weeks ago. We are talking blackmail continent here, man. Do you have any idea what kind of depraved coffee drinking and book reading goes on over here? That shit turns me on. Yeah, baby.
Oh, so you like to watch, NSA? Send your wife over, we’ll give you a show. No, not Snowden’s wife, that’s just wrong. But, well played.
The Lou Saboter Show should go live, despite the fact that he’s dead. Fuck it, I demand it. Show the world all you’ve got on me. Reality TV has gotten so lame. Watch as I chortle at Saul Bellow, stroking my overfed white belly in intellectual contentment. Wait. What’s this in my bellybutton? Yellow uranium cake? What the hell does that have to do with cutting off the natural gas supply to the Ukraine while people play dead at the White House? I blame Iran. And Syria. But it’s not a conspiracy. It’s collusion. Yeah. Collusion. Sounds almost like a fine wine with hints of bitumen and 74 proprietary trade secret ingredients. And we can ship it right into Sevastapol along with all the liquid natural gas you can muster out of the Everglades.
Ho ho ho. The skunk ape will be most pleased when he hears this. Get me Tammy Hall on the line immediately.
Green alert! Green alert!
You know me as John Kerry. In fact, my name is Isabella Sloan, but that was actually my second incarnation after the Glertzes of Greater Shingalal transmuted my essence from the cybersilhetic transuniversal supramodulator into human form what to subdue the human race. We find that saying the opposite of reality is the requisite amount of verbal camouflage necessary to subdue the apprehension of the majority of your species, especially after subjecting them to the mass media for generations. And now, I go to feast on delicious spiced suffering in a marmalade of fleshless children, sunburned skin and bones being my own perfect little delicacy. Transmission over, rover.